Introduction

This is an Urgent message being broadcast on all frequencies from the Deep space exploration ship Curious Penguin: At approximately 5876.556 gamma quadrant time, an entity known only as Walexei took control of the vessel. The crew were forced to watch in horror as the entity ejected all escape pods into a nearby sun. The decorated captain Osmond simply saying “I’ve got to hand it to him, that looked totally awesome”. The crew were then told to stay calm and that they would not be harmed as long as they adhered to a few simple rules:

a) The crew must in no way try to regain any control over the ship
b) The crew must be ready to assist Walexei in any way they can and must also be ready to lay down their lives in a variety of pointless but nonetheless interesting ways.
c) This message must be broadcast on all frequencies at all times
d) The crew must be prepared to live on nothing but Tubes of fish paste and Bovril as Walexei had accidentally jettisoned the cargo whilst trying to work out how to switch the Radio to Virgin FM.

Seeing they had no choice the crew reluctantly agreed to these demands with only a few minor attempts at suicide. When asked why he was doing this, Walexei simply replied that he thought it would be a bit of a giggle.
Walexei then plotted a course for the earths orbit with an estimated journey time of 18 years and 7 months. The crew, having nothing in particular to do at this time, got out the board games.

Message ends.

This message was created 18 years and 7 months ago…..

Recently the Curious Penguin arrived in the earths orbit; however Walexei’s original plans of landing in Hyde Park and sending the droids out to zap a few ducks and mime artists to stir up the media have long since changed. Years of floating through deep space alone (the crew having been wiped out years before in the Cleudo/scrabble wars) had calmed and matured Walexei and he had long ago decided that it was much more fun to stay cloaked in the Earths orbit and transmit inane ramblings and silly articles to the lonely planet on a regular basis, thus boggling the feeble earth scientists minds even further and perhaps getting a few laughs along the way.

And so a saga began……

So here it begins! My first ever update on this Blog. I originally got the idea to start a blog because of my desire to keep a record of my impending journey across the world to the mysterious and sunny island of roo beasts and Koalas, where ill be travelling around and studying the behaviour of the occupants for 6 months. That’s Australia for those of you living in holes. Yep on the 10th of November around about 6:15 PM Ill be sitting in a British airways Boeing 747, soiling my trousers over being locked in a box miles above the earth for 12 hours. If all goes well then ill just get totally trollied and perhaps only launch a strategic assault on the cockpit once or twice. I also get I get a 3 day shopping trip in Hong Kong on the way where ill be able to purchase cheap electronics and possibly experience the taste of Tiddles the unfortunate moggy.

Anyhoo, I start this now because I want to get to terms with writing regular updates, and I also won’t just be posting Australia related stuff, ill be putting up articles and updates and weird ramblings on a semi regular basis, should anyone have some strange desire to read that.

Smoke me a kitten, ill be back for Christmas (or not, as the case may be).